A letter to someone I care about...
We've been through a lot; we shared a bond..

I have very fond memories of you, Ira. I’m not sure you really ever could understand that I don’t let people in very easily. But I recall there was a point in time when I did allow you to take a step into my heart, and to allow you to get to know me, the ulgy and beautiful..

Hoping you're well...
I'll always cherish you..
Hey Ira,
I was thinking about texting ya, but then decided, “aw, what the heck. Let’s have a bit of fun here and create something.” Creating is satisfying isn’t it.. We’re all keen at something when it comes to creation, for we bear the image of the One who is Creation itself.
Been wondering how you’ve been. It’s been a while since we connected. Really hope each of your are doing alright. I know how much you enjoy & appreciate winter weather so I’m sure you’re having a jolly winter season.. 😉
Some really special times..

I deliberated for quite some time about reaching out, saying hello, asking how you’re doing but never ended up doing so.
I have very fond memories of you, Ira. I’m not sure you really ever could understand that I don’t let people in very easily. But I recall there was a point in time when I did allow you to take a step into my heart, and to allow you to get to know me, the ulgy and beautiful..
We met at a rather strange point in my life path. Just a half decade earlier my life was swarming with people, activities, social gatherings and more. Then I came to a crossroads, after experiencing a really messy breakup and a serious stumble. Things would forever be different for me.

Time to get back up...
Meeting you..

Somewhere along the timeline of my life, after enduring one of its messier periods, then figting to get back up stronger than ever, I met you. You seemed to have been on the other side, for the most part, of a pretty grueling period yourself. It was early spring, still snow in some places, frigid temperatures, and a while to go before the warm months of summer would arrive.
I remember your profile pic quite well, still to this day. You’re sitting in your car, stripped shirt on, looking towards your passenger window, poised for a very nice shot.
Your face is very photogenic. The camera never really seems to argue with you, unlike me, lol. I’m terribly unphotogenic. The silver-lining is that in person I’m quite the stud.. Apart from my height and teeth of course, hahaha..
(I wrote this before finding these pics I had of your profile. Forgot I snagged them..Happy I did.)

Let's meet up...
Why not Timmies..
Our first rendevouz would be at a Timmies somewhere in between both of us on the Quebec side.
You were wearing your red, puffy jacket with jeans. You ordered a tea, and we sat near the window on the west side of the building. We took our chat out for a walk and chit-chatted away on a nice trail.
It was there that you shared some of your past and things that really left a mark on your soul…
I recall looking at you and into you, and listening intently, and seeing you but also seeing a barrier between your soul and your exterior. One, I’m sure, created from the painful experiences life piles on us at times. Your outter shell is easy to spot. I think it’s cause you’re so innocent in a sense, and it comes across as an incongruency. Do you recal Jesus saying to Nathaniel, “Behold an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.” (John 1-45-51).. I believe such a statement could rightfully be applied to you. There’s a very beautiful purity about you. Something I’ve always appreciated about you. You have a very beautiful soul. It’s your soul that drew you to me.

I have very fond memories of you, Ira. I’m not sure you really ever could understand that I don’t let people in very easily. But I recall there was a point in time when I did allow you to take a step into my heart, and to allow you to get to know me, the ulgy and beautiful..

Wakefield woes...
What could spoil such a wonderful day..

Meeting Dani
Our next meetup would be in Wakefield. Oh what a wonderful time it was. We spent the whole day hanging out. Dani was with us. We walked a lot. Spoke to many locals, walked through mud. You were far attached from looking as nice as you did in our first meetup. This would mark a norm in terms of your dress attire, looking only a degree or two away from being homeless, hahaha. Some might refer to it as confidence. I’ll give that title to ya then as well. Yes, it was confidence, lol.
Could such a wonderful day be spoiled somehow? My oh my yes! And in the most intense fashion. I’ll spare both of us the details. However, it would be the catlyst for your first visit to my place. Turning lemon into lemonade I suppose. For me, it was one of the most joyful 24 hour periods I’ll ever experience. Many more meetings would follow.

Like two teenagers...
Precious times..


There was something very special about our time together. It was pure. 2 people just enjoying one another, in spite of the many complex challenges between us. I’m not ignoring the fact that they did get in the way at times. I know they did. However, the bond we shared was real, pure, and something special.
It still astonishes me that we bonded as deeply as we did in the short time we were actually together. I completely recognize we had ups and downs. Somehow though, the ups always carried us one more step forward, even if only for one more day.
I used to love hearing your door shut in the mornings when you’d come to visit. I’d pop my head towards the window to see you approaching, either with Dani or without. Normally in your homeless attire which always made me smile. We’d embrace passionately once you walked in and do our best to soak up the short time ahead of us..

Transforming love...
I'll do what it takes to keep her in my life. She is worth it..

Bit dramatic, I know, lol. But does convey a truth as well.
That summer, things would take a drastic turn, and I’d be forced to take a long hard look at what I was to to do with the love I developed for you. I would either forfeit it entirely or begin the hard work of remolding into something acceptable, something that could make room for a genuine relationship where romance is void. It wouldn’t be easy though. It wasn’t easy.. Not one bit. But to have you in my life in any form was better than to not have you at all.
I still feel that way. I recognized the choice you were making was the right one fundamentally. I had to honor it. Not to mention, Paul and you had an extensive history and a family. Those are things one doesn’t just give up on hastily. And ultimately, it is a decision that Jesus would honor. And so I would indeed as well.
I have very fond memories of you, Ira. I’m not sure you really ever could understand that I don’t let people in very easily. But I recall there was a point in time when I did allow you to take a step into my heart, and to allow you to get to know me, the ulgy and beautiful..

Difficult times ahead...
Yet we always persevered..
For the next while, we would struggle in various manners, heads colliding, tempers flairing, every so often punctuated by a period of peace and reprieve.
We both felt misunderstood, both unwilling to really sit in the other’s experience, both to struggle to see eye to eye, and both prone to being selfish when push came to shove.
Looking back, Ira, I might even say I treasure those times just as much as the beginning of our relationship. Why, because I’ve been able to glean so much precious information about myself from this, seeing myself more clearly, my shortcomings, flaws, self-centered tendencies, and deep trauma-based patterns/behaviors. Data as precious as this cannot be overlooked or underappreciated.
And still, somehow we always persevered. Always found one another.

Why share all this, you may be wondering...
Fair question..


It’s simple Ira. I’m not trying to arouse or elicit any other response from you than to recognize the beauty of what we shared. Not from a romantic standpoint.
Relationships are precious. How many people are in your life, apart from family that you’ve truly connected with?
Abba didn’t create relationships with one thing in mind; to produce families and procreate. Far from true. Rather, relationships are visible everywhere we look. Sprinkled all throughout creation. Between people, between animals, between nature, and all throughout the spiritual realm as well. Life is really all about relationship when you boil things down isnt’ it..
That’s what I’m appealing to Ira. We spent 2 full years of our lives closely, getting to know one another. On this rocky journey called life, that’s something to be appreciated. To me it is anyway.

I'm sorry...
Really wish I'd have handled many things diffently..
I'm sorry..
I'm sorry..
Ira, I'm sorry for the many times I haven't listened, haven't placed your feelings before mine. For not recognizing the complexities of your journey and being a better friend.

Money, money...
I'm so thankful for your kindness..
I’ve gotta take a line or two to respond to this. You brought it up in our last chat.
Ira, I wish you knew how thankful I am to you for your help.
I’m here on my feet, working to advance and be a success in large thanks to your generosity.
Never once has it been my intention to demonstrate a lack of appreciation for your kindness.
Sincerly Ira, I just imagined you would understand that when I can, I will pay you back.
I didn’t detect there was any immediate threat of financial deficit on your end. I always though you were ok and could wait.
If you’d like me to begin making monthly payments, I’d be glad to.
I just feel like your understanding around this area isnt’ in line with my heart, if that makes sense. I can appreciate your perspective however. I might feel the same.
But I just always assumed, until recently that you understood I just wasn’t ready to pay back a loan as large as this.
Sure, I could go out there and commit a few crimes and bingo!! Here’s your money, lol, but I really did believe that you were understanding of my life process and that I’m working to figure some things out.
I apologize for not paying you back yet, Ira. If you’d like to come up with some form of monthly schedule to get things goin till I can make larger payments and just pay the debt off rapidly, we can discuss that.

A moment to clarify my perspective...
Please hear me out..

One of my favorite days..
I’ve often perceived you have difficulty relating to my choices at times. Granted their is certainly a place for questioning my decisions at times, I won’t deny it,
However, life is short and precious, and I don’t wanna waste any more of it doing what I’m not sure I’ll wanna continue doing, if that makes sense. I’ve spent the past couple years, while knowing you, working to sort these things out.
This is why I’ve taken time to try out new things.
Going to BC last year was one of the more pivotal junctures in my life. It wasn’t a deviation from a commitment. It was needed to understand if I was on the right path you know.
I took a chance and decided to pursue a dream of working in the digital realm.
Please just take some time to consider that angle rather than just viewing me as being inconsistent or unstable.
I believe it was bold, courageous, and even enviable.
How many people do you know who never take risks, just living in their boring lives, afraid to try something new, in spite of the fact that their hearts are crying out for change. I simply acted on that Ira, and pursued something in my heart. And I can tell you today that it was absolutely essential to what is next in my life. It helped me in tremendous ways, to better make sense of things within me.
Hope you can appreciate this.

Sorry, one more thing to clarify...
You're wrong, sorry to say..
In our last text exchange you made some comments. I've heard most before. But one comment was new. It stung. You said I'd never be able to take care of you. You're wrong Ira. I'd have given my life up for Dani and you. I'll leave it at that.

Wrapping things up...
I've never been short on words have I, lol..

Ira, I hope things are well, that your heart is healing, that you’re enjoying everyday life, and that you’re continuing to find yourself, grow, and develop.
You have so much to offer, so many neat, wonderful attributes. You’re far from unintelligent. In fact, I see you as being quite sharp. Only thing in the way is your attitude and lack of belief/confidence..
Dani, Luka, Paul, hope each of them are well.
Hoping Luka is still invested in learning boxing and using the birthday gifts you got him last month.
You may be wondering what it is I hope to achieve in creating this for you, sharing my thoughts/heart..
Well, it’s simple. You were special to me. Very special.
I gave my heart to you as someone who may be my wife, and then I faught with every bit of strength to love you from a distance, as a friend. Better to have someone in your life you care about than to discard them because you can’t have them in the way you desire.
I’ve come to accept things, Ira. I respect your marriage, your family and I wouldn’t hope for anything different for any of you.
To me, you’re a gift. I still believe we’re soul mates in a sense, not the way I used to, because that’s not appropriate. I honor your relationship with Paul and hope it thrives.
However, I know your soul, I love you for you, who you are deep within your being.
To lose that would be a deeply unfortunate. I really would prefer not to lose you twice..

Don't put that camera down...
You have a gift..





